I love that "Israel" means "wrestling with God." It makes me feel better since I do it so often.
I have had to surrender some big things to God, and you would think after all of these years knowing, loving and serving Him, it would be much easier.
It wasn't.
I wrestled. I wrestled and wrestled. I cried out, I felt smushed and trapped and angry and scared. However, I have heard that it is much better to wrestle with God than run away from God. So I stayed. And just like Jacob held on for dear life to the angel of the Lord and wouldn't let go until he was blessed, I knew if I could just hang on, just be honest through it all, feel all the hard feelings and frustrations, there was a good possibility of coming out of this match somewhat in tact.
This wrestling with God thing, though, well, you know that God is going to win eventually. I mean, He is God. So I gave up, through tears and a broken heart. And then there was relief. No, everything did not look sunshiny and rosy, but there was relief and a small little seed of hope.
So now I wait. Wait for wisdom, direction, yes. But more for God to renew our relationship. For God to draw me close after I have pushed at Him so hard. He will. He always does.
