Jesus saith unto him, "Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed." John 20:29
As I was praying today, I found myself asking for big things from God, great expectations, miracles.
Then I was convicted.
Hate that.
As if it were a video in my head, God took me back to the miracle of the loaves and fish.
Jesus miraculously fed five thousand men, and most probably their families.
They ate and were satisfied.
Then they took that experience, idolized it, and wanted to follow Him around so He could keep feeding them miraculously.
They were seeking sensory, not a Savior.
They did not understand that Jesus fed them to reveal to them their great need for spiritual food, the Bread of Life.
They wanted the euphoria, the experience, the ethereal.
I am like that.
I will tell God that I will proclaim His glory, testify to His greatness, sing His praises. I would write books in His honor. I would speak at conferences. Anything if He would just give me my miracles.
And I need miracles.
I have a house that needs selling, a church plant that needs immediate growth, and a son who is autistic who needs to go to a specialized, expensive school.
We need money for college for my daughter, wisdom to make decisions about a denomination that is imploding on itself, and, oh yeah, strength and motivation to run a half-marathon.
But none of those things fulfilled will necessarily bring me closer to my Savior.
And Jesus said that I was even more blessed than those who see the fulfillment of their hopes if I still believe in the face of impossible circumstances.
More blessed?
Perhaps because I recognize with all of these circumstances my limits, my utter dependency, my great need for a Savior. And not just rescue from my life, but rescue in my life and recognition of my great need for relationship, not revelation.
So what am I seeking? or whom?
Relief or relationship?
Experience or intimacy?
Sensory or the Savior?
May I seek Him while He can be found.
He alone satisfies.
And I will yet praise Him.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Comfort and Joy
I know that it is popular this time of year to remember those that are less fortunate that ourselves.
This is a good and right thing, and I, too, find myself stuffing dollars in red buckets and picking a paper angel off of the tree at the mall to provide some necessities to a child.
However.
I think that, and I will pause first. I am going to say something radical and controversial, so breathe deeply.
whew.
We should put at least some of our focus this year on ENJOYING THE BLESSINGS THAT GOD HAS PROVIDED FOR OURSELVES!
In Ecclesiastes, arguably the most depressing book in the Bible (Lamentations a close second), Solomon, arguably the wisest man in the world, (my husband a close second) wrote about joy.
There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from Him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? Eccl. 2:24-25
I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil - this is God's gift to man. Eccl. 3:12-13
Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil - this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart. Eccl. 5:18-20
And I commend joy, for man has no good thing under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun. Eccl. 8:15
Go, eat your bread in joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do. Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head. Enjoy life with the [spouse] whom you love, all the days of your vain life that He has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Eccl. 9:7-9
There is a tendency to get down in the mouth about how much we have. We can even pass this on to our children, making them ashamed of their blessings. Isn't this the season for tidings of comfort and joy? Let us not feel guilty for our blessings from God. Be thankful and joyful! Rejoice with your family, friends, church, neighbors. Enjoy the sounds, smells and lights. Jesus is our greatest Joy, and I am sure that it blesses Him to see His children eating, drinking, celebrating and giving thanks for all that comes from His hands.
Joy to the World! And joy to all of us!
God bless us, every one!
This is a good and right thing, and I, too, find myself stuffing dollars in red buckets and picking a paper angel off of the tree at the mall to provide some necessities to a child.
However.
I think that, and I will pause first. I am going to say something radical and controversial, so breathe deeply.
whew.
We should put at least some of our focus this year on ENJOYING THE BLESSINGS THAT GOD HAS PROVIDED FOR OURSELVES!
In Ecclesiastes, arguably the most depressing book in the Bible (Lamentations a close second), Solomon, arguably the wisest man in the world, (my husband a close second) wrote about joy.
There is nothing better for a person than that he should eat and drink and find enjoyment in his toil. This also, I saw, is from the hand of God, for apart from Him who can eat or who can have enjoyment? Eccl. 2:24-25
I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful and to do good as long as they live; also that everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil - this is God's gift to man. Eccl. 3:12-13
Behold, what I have seen to be good and fitting is to eat and drink and find enjoyment in all the toil with which one toils under the sun the few days of his life that God has given him, for this is his lot. Everyone also to whom God has given wealth and possessions and power to enjoy them, and to accept his lot and rejoice in his toil - this is the gift of God. For he will not much remember the days of his life because God keeps him occupied with joy in his heart. Eccl. 5:18-20
And I commend joy, for man has no good thing under the sun but to eat and drink and be joyful, for this will go with him in his toil through the days of his life that God has given him under the sun. Eccl. 8:15
Go, eat your bread in joy, and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do. Let your garments be always white. Let not oil be lacking on your head. Enjoy life with the [spouse] whom you love, all the days of your vain life that He has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Eccl. 9:7-9
There is a tendency to get down in the mouth about how much we have. We can even pass this on to our children, making them ashamed of their blessings. Isn't this the season for tidings of comfort and joy? Let us not feel guilty for our blessings from God. Be thankful and joyful! Rejoice with your family, friends, church, neighbors. Enjoy the sounds, smells and lights. Jesus is our greatest Joy, and I am sure that it blesses Him to see His children eating, drinking, celebrating and giving thanks for all that comes from His hands.
Joy to the World! And joy to all of us!
God bless us, every one!
Monday, December 19, 2011
So, I do this thing before I go out for my run.
I call it -
Procrastorunning.
Yes, I believe the term will catch on.
This is my routine:
Wake up.
Brush teeth.
Try to talk to my husband about something meaningful and time-consuming.
Get dressed in athletic gear. (takes some time, has to match)
Put in a load of clothes.
Let the dog out.
Let the dog in.
Give him a treat.
Play with the dog.
Give the dog a treat for being such a good dog (which he is, what a cutie).
Talk to my husband some more.
Finally feeling a little guilty, I announce that I am going running.
Put on shoes.
Take off shoes and loosen laces.
Put on shoes again.
Stretch.
Check weather channel on phone to see if running later might be better.
Husband says, "Wow, you haven't left yet?" as he drinks his coffee.
I frown at him and remind him that at least I am trying to do something healthy.
He smiles. "Not yet, you're not."
This motivates me. I leave the house.
Then I have to set just the right music for my running pace. This takes a little longer as it takes a few times of Genius playlist roulette.
Hit my running app to begin GPS programming.
Wait.
GPS finds me.
Take deep breath.
Run.
Feel much better.
Get into stride.
Listen to upbeat praise music.
Try to sing along.
Decide to breathe instead.
Run prescribed time/distance.
Smile.
Strong sense of accomplishment follows.
Open door to home.
Announce that I have successfully run.
Vague encouraging grunts from family members.
Strong encouragement from them to take a shower.
So I must hug them.
Tightly and longly. (heehee)
The thing is, sometimes this bleeds into other areas. Sometimes I am procrastoloving.
I get these tugs to do something kind or call someone. Now, sometimes I do. But sometimes I find so many other things to do before I get around to the loving that I never get to it. I am ashamed, especially this time of year when love seems to abound everywhere. It's one thing to put off running. It's another to put off the greatest commandment.
I need a new term.
LOVINGNOW! LOVINGHERE! LOVINGPRESENT! EVERLOVING!
Any of those would work.
As long as I just do it.
Just love.
I call it -
Procrastorunning.
Yes, I believe the term will catch on.
This is my routine:
Wake up.
Brush teeth.
Try to talk to my husband about something meaningful and time-consuming.
Get dressed in athletic gear. (takes some time, has to match)
Put in a load of clothes.
Let the dog out.
Let the dog in.
Give him a treat.
Play with the dog.
Give the dog a treat for being such a good dog (which he is, what a cutie).
Talk to my husband some more.
Finally feeling a little guilty, I announce that I am going running.
Put on shoes.
Take off shoes and loosen laces.
Put on shoes again.
Stretch.
Check weather channel on phone to see if running later might be better.
Husband says, "Wow, you haven't left yet?" as he drinks his coffee.
I frown at him and remind him that at least I am trying to do something healthy.
He smiles. "Not yet, you're not."
This motivates me. I leave the house.
Then I have to set just the right music for my running pace. This takes a little longer as it takes a few times of Genius playlist roulette.
Hit my running app to begin GPS programming.
Wait.
GPS finds me.
Take deep breath.
Run.
Feel much better.
Get into stride.
Listen to upbeat praise music.
Try to sing along.
Decide to breathe instead.
Run prescribed time/distance.
Smile.
Strong sense of accomplishment follows.
Open door to home.
Announce that I have successfully run.
Vague encouraging grunts from family members.
Strong encouragement from them to take a shower.
So I must hug them.
Tightly and longly. (heehee)
The thing is, sometimes this bleeds into other areas. Sometimes I am procrastoloving.
I get these tugs to do something kind or call someone. Now, sometimes I do. But sometimes I find so many other things to do before I get around to the loving that I never get to it. I am ashamed, especially this time of year when love seems to abound everywhere. It's one thing to put off running. It's another to put off the greatest commandment.
I need a new term.
LOVINGNOW! LOVINGHERE! LOVINGPRESENT! EVERLOVING!
Any of those would work.
As long as I just do it.
Just love.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Back to the Beginning
Begin at the beginning and go on til you come to the end; then stop.
-said by the King to the White Rabbit in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
As I begin my half-marathon training, I run for 15 minutes.
15 minutes?
I could do that in my sleep!
Are you kidding?
But then I remember when I first started running. That's about how long I could stay upright, not even running the whole time. I was going back to the beginning.
The beginning is the most important part of the work.
-Plato
This is where history is made, confidence built. This helps me remember that I have come a long way from where I began in the beginning. So I go back.
When a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning and I'm staying til Vizzini comes.
-Indigo Montoya in The Princess Bride
This is training. When things get frustrating, overwhelming and depressing, go back to the beginning. Remember why you started doing this in the first place.
15 minutes.
I can do this.
-said by the King to the White Rabbit in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
As I begin my half-marathon training, I run for 15 minutes.
15 minutes?
I could do that in my sleep!
Are you kidding?
But then I remember when I first started running. That's about how long I could stay upright, not even running the whole time. I was going back to the beginning.
The beginning is the most important part of the work.
-Plato
This is where history is made, confidence built. This helps me remember that I have come a long way from where I began in the beginning. So I go back.
When a job went wrong, you went back to the beginning. And this is where we got the job. So it's the beginning and I'm staying til Vizzini comes.
-Indigo Montoya in The Princess Bride
This is training. When things get frustrating, overwhelming and depressing, go back to the beginning. Remember why you started doing this in the first place.
15 minutes.
I can do this.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
For The Cause
I am in training for a half marathon.
I started running in February on faith.
Now I'm running on fumes.
The soreness, the constant discipline, the mental fatigue. Running is hard.
I made my confession to a friend today.
My post is her response.
"Ok...so...it's time to be accountable. This is not about us...we are only the vehicle through which He will work/speak...well, and the one who will do the physical work. :) We need a plan. We've got 20 weeks. What is your plan??? :) Do you register? That's step 1. I'm getting ready to put training days on my calendar so that going to "that" lunch in "feb" doesn't throw off crossing the finish line in April. I'm telling the girls it's not about Mommy having to go run, it's about sticking to something you've committed to...making a priority a big rock...everybody working together to help someone achieve a goal...This is about God saying, "Go. Don't ask why. Don't question it's importance. Go because I Am." And ...well...now we've got to go!"
Don't you wish you had a friend like this?
Thanks, Kim. You are awesome!
I started running in February on faith.
Now I'm running on fumes.
The soreness, the constant discipline, the mental fatigue. Running is hard.
I made my confession to a friend today.
My post is her response.
"Ok...so...it's time to be accountable. This is not about us...we are only the vehicle through which He will work/speak...well, and the one who will do the physical work. :) We need a plan. We've got 20 weeks. What is your plan??? :) Do you register? That's step 1. I'm getting ready to put training days on my calendar so that going to "that" lunch in "feb" doesn't throw off crossing the finish line in April. I'm telling the girls it's not about Mommy having to go run, it's about sticking to something you've committed to...making a priority a big rock...everybody working together to help someone achieve a goal...This is about God saying, "Go. Don't ask why. Don't question it's importance. Go because I Am." And ...well...now we've got to go!"
Don't you wish you had a friend like this?
Thanks, Kim. You are awesome!
Monday, November 28, 2011
Merry Memories
Last night, we set up our Christmas tree. Pulled out all of the Rubbermaid boxes from the garage that hold decorations, ornaments, towels, pillows, all the festive stuff. And of course, found all of my Thanksgiving decorations behind the Christmas boxes. Right.
While the seasonal music played softly in the background, we placed all of our ornaments on the tree. Everyone having its own story. All of us laughed and smiled and teased each other. It was sweet. It was bittersweet.
It's hard to face, but since both of my children have become teenagers, my brain has been counting down time. My daughter is just about done with high school and my son is just about in. The truth is that we are making precious memories now to look back on later, when my children are no longer under my roof, when they have gone on with their lives and have families of their own. I will be happy for them, I will love their spouses and their children. But I will forever hold in my heart our little traditions, our little jokes and fun and trees and games and movies and moves and heartaches and sacrifices.
Perhaps all of the prophesies that Mary heard before and after the birth of Jesus gave her an advanced bittersweetness. I am sure that she often remembered stinky shepherds and gift-laden traveling political advisors, the smell of hay and fear and new baby. She pondered all of those things in her heart. With all of the joy she experienced with being chosen by God, she endured moments that I cannot come close to imagining. But she was able to see her Son accomplish His purpose.
So during this Advent season, I will follow her example; releasing my children to fulfill their callings, but holding tightly to the memories.
I will lovingly ponder those for a lifetime.
While the seasonal music played softly in the background, we placed all of our ornaments on the tree. Everyone having its own story. All of us laughed and smiled and teased each other. It was sweet. It was bittersweet.
It's hard to face, but since both of my children have become teenagers, my brain has been counting down time. My daughter is just about done with high school and my son is just about in. The truth is that we are making precious memories now to look back on later, when my children are no longer under my roof, when they have gone on with their lives and have families of their own. I will be happy for them, I will love their spouses and their children. But I will forever hold in my heart our little traditions, our little jokes and fun and trees and games and movies and moves and heartaches and sacrifices.
Perhaps all of the prophesies that Mary heard before and after the birth of Jesus gave her an advanced bittersweetness. I am sure that she often remembered stinky shepherds and gift-laden traveling political advisors, the smell of hay and fear and new baby. She pondered all of those things in her heart. With all of the joy she experienced with being chosen by God, she endured moments that I cannot come close to imagining. But she was able to see her Son accomplish His purpose.
So during this Advent season, I will follow her example; releasing my children to fulfill their callings, but holding tightly to the memories.
I will lovingly ponder those for a lifetime.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Unwelcome Discoveries
I really did have a great birthday.
No kidding. It was wonderful. If only I could have let it be what it was instead of trying to make it the Norman Rockwell painting I thought I deserved.
I am a control freak.
No, it's true. I mean, normally I think that I am a laid back person. Relational more than task-oriented. Being more than doing. However, that's a normal day.
Today was different. Today was supposed to be MY day.
Entitlement stinks.
I could have planned it differently, been more intentional, all that but I am neither a planner, nor am I all that intentional on a regular basis. Things came up. Errands needed running. Clothes needed washing. What I thought would be a day of relaxed meditation turned into a busy running around day.
What was that thing about interruptions not being inconveniences but opportunities for growth? Yeah, I don't like that quote. I tend to see interruptions as inconveniences, as in "not now, I'm busy having my birthday!"
I really did have a great birthday. But it would have been better if I had taken the day as it came, being THANKFUL (there it is again!) of all the many gifts of God, including interruptions and errands and running around. Because all is grace.
All is grace. As a willing recipient, I am in wonder and awe. As an entitled child, I am asking, "why and what else do I get and why aren't you making this easier for me?"
All is grace and I still need to be open to thanksgiving and utter dependence and humility.
I am still a work in progress.
I need to remember: all is grace.
No kidding. It was wonderful. If only I could have let it be what it was instead of trying to make it the Norman Rockwell painting I thought I deserved.
I am a control freak.
No, it's true. I mean, normally I think that I am a laid back person. Relational more than task-oriented. Being more than doing. However, that's a normal day.
Today was different. Today was supposed to be MY day.
Entitlement stinks.
I could have planned it differently, been more intentional, all that but I am neither a planner, nor am I all that intentional on a regular basis. Things came up. Errands needed running. Clothes needed washing. What I thought would be a day of relaxed meditation turned into a busy running around day.
What was that thing about interruptions not being inconveniences but opportunities for growth? Yeah, I don't like that quote. I tend to see interruptions as inconveniences, as in "not now, I'm busy having my birthday!"
I really did have a great birthday. But it would have been better if I had taken the day as it came, being THANKFUL (there it is again!) of all the many gifts of God, including interruptions and errands and running around. Because all is grace.
All is grace. As a willing recipient, I am in wonder and awe. As an entitled child, I am asking, "why and what else do I get and why aren't you making this easier for me?"
All is grace and I still need to be open to thanksgiving and utter dependence and humility.
I am still a work in progress.
I need to remember: all is grace.
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Birthday Blessings
On the eve of my forty-fourth birthday, I would like to share the best birthday blessing I have received to date:
Eucharist!
Eucharist means thanksgiving, and thanksgiving has changed my life.
Alexander Schmemann writes: "Eucharist (thanksgiving) is the state of perfect man. Eucharist is the life of paradise. Eucharist is the only full and real response of man to God's creation, redemption and gift of heaven." (For the Life of the World, page 37-38)
After two years of intense anxiety, I am now experiencing peace. Why? Thanksgiving.
After multiple spiritual attacks against every member of our family, we have persevered. Why? Thanksgiving.
My relationships have been restored with God, family and friends because of Thanksgiving.
Instead of asking why, I say, "Thank You, Lord."
For all of those blessings in my life, my precious husband, loving son , amazing daughter, wonderful church, beautiful home, I say "Thank You, Lord."
For all of my frustrating circumstances, my own limitations, lack of resources, I say, "Thank You, Lord."
If all things are from His Hand, He means it all for His glory and my good, so I receive and say, "Thank You, Lord."
This one act, this one response has so changed my perspective. It is easy to complain when I do not get my way. It is easy to doubt. It is easy to give in to unbelief. The victory comes with thanks, thanks in ALL things!
They say with age comes wisdom. If this is true, this is one piece of wisdom I want to share!
Eucharist!
Thank You, Lord!
Eucharist!
Eucharist means thanksgiving, and thanksgiving has changed my life.
Alexander Schmemann writes: "Eucharist (thanksgiving) is the state of perfect man. Eucharist is the life of paradise. Eucharist is the only full and real response of man to God's creation, redemption and gift of heaven." (For the Life of the World, page 37-38)
After two years of intense anxiety, I am now experiencing peace. Why? Thanksgiving.
After multiple spiritual attacks against every member of our family, we have persevered. Why? Thanksgiving.
My relationships have been restored with God, family and friends because of Thanksgiving.
Instead of asking why, I say, "Thank You, Lord."
For all of those blessings in my life, my precious husband, loving son , amazing daughter, wonderful church, beautiful home, I say "Thank You, Lord."
For all of my frustrating circumstances, my own limitations, lack of resources, I say, "Thank You, Lord."
If all things are from His Hand, He means it all for His glory and my good, so I receive and say, "Thank You, Lord."
This one act, this one response has so changed my perspective. It is easy to complain when I do not get my way. It is easy to doubt. It is easy to give in to unbelief. The victory comes with thanks, thanks in ALL things!
They say with age comes wisdom. If this is true, this is one piece of wisdom I want to share!
Eucharist!
Thank You, Lord!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Wrestling to Worship
The last few weeks, I have had a hard time getting out of bed. Just feeling mentally and emotionally beat down for various reasons, including but not limited to future schooling for my special son (with the realization that I am so limited in my skills and he needs much more), finances (two homes, one income), and church planting (not for whimps). The victory at the time was that I relied on the law of my calling. I am a wife, mother and homemaker. I need to do my job.
Inside, I wrestled. Did you know "Israel" means "wrestling with God?" This gives me great comfort in that I feel like I wrestle often. Lately, my Abba Father has been gracious to lead me gently as I have been reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I could write several blogs about the miracles that have taken place in my heart because of her writing (she also has a blog: www.aholyexperience.com). Her book, in turn, led me to "For the Life of the World" by Alexander Schmemann. Wow. Anyway, through these books, through the power of the Holy Spirit, God has awakened me to a radical idea.
All I do is worship.
Getting up, making breakfast (even organic poptarts), sweeping, transporting my Butterfly-Daughter to all of her high school functions, all is worship. From the time of Creation, God blessed all things, all peoples. Every act is a response, every act an act of thanks and praise back to Him for creating us, creating our lives.
This inspires me. This is much better than law, than responsibility, than duty. This is grace, this is love, this is life. Why do we want to separate the Sunday-sacred and the Secular-Workaday? Does that make us more comfortable, maybe like we are in charge all week and we will let God have His day? No, just because God specifically blessed the Sabbath did not mean that all others day were not blessed as well as He blessed all creation. He blesses, He gives, He loves, He moves, He plans, He draws. And as we respond in faith, faith in who God says He is and who He says we are, we worship.
So tomorrow, I will rise. I will rise in worship.
All is worship for He is worthy.
He is worth my all.
Inside, I wrestled. Did you know "Israel" means "wrestling with God?" This gives me great comfort in that I feel like I wrestle often. Lately, my Abba Father has been gracious to lead me gently as I have been reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I could write several blogs about the miracles that have taken place in my heart because of her writing (she also has a blog: www.aholyexperience.com). Her book, in turn, led me to "For the Life of the World" by Alexander Schmemann. Wow. Anyway, through these books, through the power of the Holy Spirit, God has awakened me to a radical idea.
All I do is worship.
Getting up, making breakfast (even organic poptarts), sweeping, transporting my Butterfly-Daughter to all of her high school functions, all is worship. From the time of Creation, God blessed all things, all peoples. Every act is a response, every act an act of thanks and praise back to Him for creating us, creating our lives.
This inspires me. This is much better than law, than responsibility, than duty. This is grace, this is love, this is life. Why do we want to separate the Sunday-sacred and the Secular-Workaday? Does that make us more comfortable, maybe like we are in charge all week and we will let God have His day? No, just because God specifically blessed the Sabbath did not mean that all others day were not blessed as well as He blessed all creation. He blesses, He gives, He loves, He moves, He plans, He draws. And as we respond in faith, faith in who God says He is and who He says we are, we worship.
So tomorrow, I will rise. I will rise in worship.
All is worship for He is worthy.
He is worth my all.
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Dandelion Promises
Dandelion fronds followed me on my run today.
Lately, I have been lacking motivation on my runs. Seven miles seems a formidable distance for someone who has only been running since February. I believe God has me running because I have to depend so much on Him through faith. It was obedience. It is now worship.
As always, I prayed as I began, thanking Him for health, thanking Him for an opportunity to live beyond myself. I rounded my first corner, the wind blew, and thousands of white puffs surrounded me. I sensed His presence and His delight immediately. My soul was strengthened. My legs were strengthened. And I was able to finish seven miles.
My Abba Father loves me so; how could I not return such love? How could I not respond with wonder? I am so blessed. And I am so thankful.
Lately, I have been lacking motivation on my runs. Seven miles seems a formidable distance for someone who has only been running since February. I believe God has me running because I have to depend so much on Him through faith. It was obedience. It is now worship.
As always, I prayed as I began, thanking Him for health, thanking Him for an opportunity to live beyond myself. I rounded my first corner, the wind blew, and thousands of white puffs surrounded me. I sensed His presence and His delight immediately. My soul was strengthened. My legs were strengthened. And I was able to finish seven miles.
My Abba Father loves me so; how could I not return such love? How could I not respond with wonder? I am so blessed. And I am so thankful.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Run The Race
Well, I see that we have bridged the gap between the holy days of Advent to the season of Lent! Sorry for anyone who has been disappointed at no new update (you know who you are!!).
Anyway, the journey I have been on since the last posting has been tremendous. I have moved and I have lost approximately ten pounds. Yeah! The move was totally stressing me out, and I think I was eating all of my feelings. I had a lot of feelings. Then I was not only stressed out, I was not fitting in my clothes, which led me to despair. Therefore, I prayed. God, in His great kindness, allowed me to hear Lysa Terkheurst on the radio (leader of Proverbs 31 Ministries). She had out a new study called, "Made to Crave" which teaches on the fact that I was created for God, not food. Imagine. I bought the whole thing, the DVDs, book and participant's guide. (I will be addressing my shopaholic idol next Lenten season.) What a huge blessing! Lysa is so winsome and sympathizes with the whole weight, food, self-image thing because her own journey led her to write this series! I HIGHLY encourage any women to grab ahold of this study! So good!
Through the study, I was sorely convicted that I needed to exercise. Now, I am an indoors girl. I do NOT like heat, cold, bugs, wind, rain, sunshine that is too bright, sweat, you get the picture. The Holy Spirit just began pressing on me so much that I eventually put on my cute pink cross-trainers and headed out for a brisk walk around the neighborhood.
Whew! Mission accomplished, right? Wrong. God then shared with me that He wanted me to do some exercise that would make me dependent on Him, beyond my own strength. Not walking. Jogging. I had jokingly said to someone not two weeks before this that I would only run if someone was chasing me! Guess what! God was chasing me!!
With great trepidation, I began. It was hard. It hurt. It made me breathe funny, and not in a "haha" way. My side hurt. Then my other side hurt. I kind of loped the neighborhood hoping the Lord would take pity on me and never make me do that again. Then a funny thing happened. I realized that I had survived! Two miles! Hey, I could do that again! I felt led to jog(gish) three times per week, listen to praise and worship music and pray, pray, pray. I have been amazed at how close to God I feel in those early morning sessions. I guess it's because I have recognized yet another area that I am completely dependent on Him, yet it is my responsibility to press into His reality.
Okay, that brings us to this morning.
Today is Ash Wednesday. This is a solemn, holy day celebrated by Christians worldwide to examine ourselves for sin and idols, and confess these to God; cultivate a plan to lay aside our sin and take up an act of service to God. As I read the lectionary passages (from the Book of Common Prayer), I was struck by the Hebrews passage. Check it out:
. . . let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us . . . Hebrews 12:1 ESV
The Word of God is living!! I was amazed at how God spoke right to my heart to encourage me that He wants me to run, literally run, to show me the heavenly reality of my faith being a marathon, pressing on, enduring what He has for me. There is stuff that cannot come with me, it's holding me back. I need to let it go and RUN!
Yet one more confirmation has been a song that I heard on Sunday, just resonating in my spirit, from Hillsong's "A Beautiful Exchange," called "Forever Reign." The chorus goes like this:
And oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your Love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the World, forever reign!
I encourage you: be still. God is speaking. So many times I ignore small impulses and dismiss them because I'm too busy, too caught up in myself to notice. God is speaking in that still, small voice. Don't miss out on the blessing of obedience, even when it costs you something.
You just might find yourself running to His arms.
Anyway, the journey I have been on since the last posting has been tremendous. I have moved and I have lost approximately ten pounds. Yeah! The move was totally stressing me out, and I think I was eating all of my feelings. I had a lot of feelings. Then I was not only stressed out, I was not fitting in my clothes, which led me to despair. Therefore, I prayed. God, in His great kindness, allowed me to hear Lysa Terkheurst on the radio (leader of Proverbs 31 Ministries). She had out a new study called, "Made to Crave" which teaches on the fact that I was created for God, not food. Imagine. I bought the whole thing, the DVDs, book and participant's guide. (I will be addressing my shopaholic idol next Lenten season.) What a huge blessing! Lysa is so winsome and sympathizes with the whole weight, food, self-image thing because her own journey led her to write this series! I HIGHLY encourage any women to grab ahold of this study! So good!
Through the study, I was sorely convicted that I needed to exercise. Now, I am an indoors girl. I do NOT like heat, cold, bugs, wind, rain, sunshine that is too bright, sweat, you get the picture. The Holy Spirit just began pressing on me so much that I eventually put on my cute pink cross-trainers and headed out for a brisk walk around the neighborhood.
Whew! Mission accomplished, right? Wrong. God then shared with me that He wanted me to do some exercise that would make me dependent on Him, beyond my own strength. Not walking. Jogging. I had jokingly said to someone not two weeks before this that I would only run if someone was chasing me! Guess what! God was chasing me!!
With great trepidation, I began. It was hard. It hurt. It made me breathe funny, and not in a "haha" way. My side hurt. Then my other side hurt. I kind of loped the neighborhood hoping the Lord would take pity on me and never make me do that again. Then a funny thing happened. I realized that I had survived! Two miles! Hey, I could do that again! I felt led to jog(gish) three times per week, listen to praise and worship music and pray, pray, pray. I have been amazed at how close to God I feel in those early morning sessions. I guess it's because I have recognized yet another area that I am completely dependent on Him, yet it is my responsibility to press into His reality.
Okay, that brings us to this morning.
Today is Ash Wednesday. This is a solemn, holy day celebrated by Christians worldwide to examine ourselves for sin and idols, and confess these to God; cultivate a plan to lay aside our sin and take up an act of service to God. As I read the lectionary passages (from the Book of Common Prayer), I was struck by the Hebrews passage. Check it out:
. . . let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us . . . Hebrews 12:1 ESV
The Word of God is living!! I was amazed at how God spoke right to my heart to encourage me that He wants me to run, literally run, to show me the heavenly reality of my faith being a marathon, pressing on, enduring what He has for me. There is stuff that cannot come with me, it's holding me back. I need to let it go and RUN!
Yet one more confirmation has been a song that I heard on Sunday, just resonating in my spirit, from Hillsong's "A Beautiful Exchange," called "Forever Reign." The chorus goes like this:
And oh, I'm running to Your arms, I'm running to Your arms
The riches of Your Love will always be enough
Nothing compares to Your embrace
Light of the World, forever reign!
I encourage you: be still. God is speaking. So many times I ignore small impulses and dismiss them because I'm too busy, too caught up in myself to notice. God is speaking in that still, small voice. Don't miss out on the blessing of obedience, even when it costs you something.
You just might find yourself running to His arms.
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