So, I went into hiding.
I had to be quiet, be still, think and ask God some painful questions.
This is a new exercise for an extrovert, a verbal processor, a writer, a journaler.
But sometimes, things hit you hard, take your breath, leave you speechless.
Then you realize this terrible thing, this circumstance that you prayed would never happen, is not about you at all.
My son was assaulted at school. The high school that was supposed to help him, help us, transition him from homeschool to the real world in relative peace and in one piece.
Two days into school, his property was stolen. There was an escalation of bullying incidents until the last one, the final blow.
All summer, I was worried. Anxiety attacks and nightmares about this very thing. And when it finally happened, I was so angry. And sad. And frustrated. And helpless. And speechless. I could not even talk to my own mother for two days.
I could not write about it.
However.
Or should I say: BUT GOD....
The great and awesome thing about knowing God and knowing He is good and does good is that there is no wasted experience for Him. No "oops." Please do not hear that this wasn't painful for our whole family, because it was indeed painful, especially for my son.
But God.
What I have seen rise from the ashes is the beauty of my son's heart. He did not retaliate. He forgave. He wanted to go back.
He is stronger. He is wiser. He is not a victim, but a survivor.
I am so, so proud of him.
I still had to deal with my own stuff because truth be told, I wanted some ninja justice.
Just so happens, I had been reading Job. Is there any more excruciating book in the Bible than Job? Yikes, so sad. And his friends are just awful to him. As I read, I realized that Job was asking some of the same questions I was asking. Like, "where are You in my suffering?"
He answered, "Right here. Right with you. Right where you are."
He also answered, "You don't have to know all the reasons. You just need to trust Me and know that I am sovereign over all of this."
I am claiming Job's outcome over my son, that his end would be even more blessed than his beginning. And while I did not get my ninja justice, I can trust that God's presence goes before and behind my son everyday.
And just love on my son while I can.
Love him. Love him. Love him.
